Co parenting can be a daunting task and while every situation is different there are still ways to make a better co parent and hopefully help ease your day to day tension with your ex spouse!
Tip #1 Learn to be present for your children no matter what. When you are constantly focused on arguing and speaking negatively about the other parent (which you should never do in front of your child) you are actually not truly present for your children. Spend your time and attention focusing on them, your love for them and everything that has to do with them. You will find a lot more peace prioritizing your time when you are with them if you can keep the focus on what is important.
Tip #2 Learn to accept what you can not control. You will drive yourself absolutely nuts if you can not accept what IS reality. If your ex partner has a new spouse, you can not control that situation, therefore you should take the necessary steps possible to learn to accept them. (Read How to become friends with the baby mama if you are the new spouse for more tips on the main page.) Although you ARE the baby mama the foundation is still the same. Other things you will not be able to control is the other parent's way of doing things. The best thing to do is learn how to communicate with them to get on the same page. The best way to achieve what you want from them is to approach the situation in the most mature, calm way that does not involve trying to "tell" them what to do. Trust me that does not work. Try asking them what type of stuff they do at their house and see how you might be able to do the same. By approaching it with what "they do" first you are planting the seed to be able to drop in what you do at your house.
Tip #3 Try to keep your house as calm as possible. The children might already be having a hard time with the transition of their new normal, so by offering them a calm and secure place you can help them feel less stressed. Also, any other chaos in the home should be dealt with and eliminated. If you have a new spouse who is kind of loud, obnoxious and not really benefiting your children then you should probably reconsider how this might be effecting your children while they are with you. Although these are simple examples and may not apply to you, ask yourself this question: Are there things going on in my house that might add stress? If the answer is yes, then simply try to eliminate that thing or those people. As a parent, we know it is all about the children.
Tip #4 Focus on what is going great. When co parenting, often times we point out all the things we don't like about what the other parent is doing. That energy can roll out into larger issues so learn to change paces in order to create GOOD energy that will roll out into larger things. If the parent is on time, make a positive comment about that. Not in a condescending way but make it also about you, for example, " I am glad we are BOTH working hard to stick to our schedule. I know it's hard sometimes but I think were BOTH doing pretty darn good." This positive comment will leave you feeling a little happier for the next time. Constantly add a good comment each time and eventually they will say nicer things and you will be shocked at how easy this tip can shift your relationship.
I bought this book and it hands down was worth every penny, not to mention it is cheap. I recommend this book so anyone who is co parenting. It has amazing tips and tricks and goes deep into details in order to truly help you.
The CoParenting Toolkit: The Essential Supplement for Mom's House, Dad's House
Stay strong and keep on keeping on, you got this!
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