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5 signs your new spouse might be running for the hills (if you're a single parent)

Let's face it, parenting is hard but if you are the new spouse and are spending time with their children you might get cold feet in the long run.  This is fairly typical and any single parent can relate to dating someone, but when the going gets tough they seem to bail out.  Hopefully this is not happening to you and your relationship can blossom into the best blended family possible but lets dive into the 5 signs they might be running for the hills.  

These are simply just "signs" and are not concrete facts and we understand each relationship is different. 

1. You guys begin to argue quite often and you have only been in a relationship for one year or less.  Typically in the duration of this dating window most couples do not have enough built up to argue on a consistent basis.  Normally this time is still in the honeymoon phase and although you might argue, you need to look for signs for continuous arguments, especially stemming from your new partner.  When people get the feeling of, "this is not going to work," they normally begin to self sabotage the relationship because their ego of being completely up front is preventing them, so instead they will begin to lash out in argumentative ways.

2.  They are spending less time with you and your children.  On top of the arguing, you find they are distancing themselves from your life.  Often times this sign is a clean indication they are less interested in a future with you.  People make time for what they enjoy, and if they no longer find joy in being around you, trust me, you will begin to notice.  I understand we want to make excuses for the ones we love and might be blinded by this simple sign but really pay attention if their lack of effort begins to increase.

3.  You have a lot of drama with your ex spouse and are not good at co parenting.  I feel this is one of the main reason people do not stick around forever due to to much stress and drama.  You might also be constantly talking about them and although it's most likely negative, you are still pouring your extra time focusing on them.  From the new spouses point of view, it is much easier to create a family rather than join one that has a lot of stress. If this is you, you can read the article on how to co parent like a boss, on the main page.  

4. You are pushy for them to bond with your children.  Jumping into a step parent role can be a difficult transition because, why you may love your children unconditionally, they are just getting to know them.  Signs of being pushy for them to bond are, suggesting they spend a lot of time with the children alone.  Meaning, the ideas are constantly stemming from you and not from them.  You need to just cool your jets and let the relationship grow organically.  You will be so much happier if you allow things to grow, instead of pushing for it because you think your children need that type of parent in their life.  Trust me, if its meant to last it will last because it was natural.  

5. They have not committed to moving in or taking the next step between the one and two year mark.  If you are a single parent you know you can't be playing house and you are looking for a long term relationship for yourself and for your children.  If you have not moved in together or made plans to do so between one and two years of dating chances are they are trying to avoid that type of commitment. Read below for 3 ice breaker conversation starters.

To all my normal visitors, you already know I am book nut and this one does not fall short.  This was an amazing read and is a great eye opener.  I highly recommend this book for any single parent who is dating!
Dating and the Single Parent: * Are You Ready to Date? * Talking With the Kids * Avoiding a Big Mistake * Finding Lasting Love

The best advice if you feel your spouse might be running for the hills is to communicate with them. Approach the situation from their point of view and you might be surprised how much they open up.  If you make it more about you than chances are they will shell up and the conversation will go no where. Own up to your mistakes if you are guilty of contributing chaos.  Below are some ice breaker conversation starters. 

"I wanted to speak with you because I have noticed you have been distant lately and I want to understand from your shoes because I know it is not easy jumping into this type of relationship."

"I feel I might have been to pushy trying to have you spend so much time with my children and I am sorry.  I do not wish to make you feel overwhelmed and I want your relationship to grow with them naturally.  What can I do to understand where you are coming from?"

"We have been arguing quite often and I want to understand how you might be feeling and if you are perhaps overwhelmed with the amount of stress taking on a step parent role can be?  I am here to ease your stress and hope you can tell me how this new situation might be effecting you." 


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